Things That Go Bump In The Night
by Rachie-Da-Nimbin-Chicken
Summary: When Fred and George listen outside Snape's office, they hear Severus, McGonagall, Draco and a plunger having a go at it. Epileptic twins, raunchy McGonagall, and a spanking that results in CPR.


Things That Go Bump In The Night  
  
Disclaimer: Despite the deep desire to, I do not own our favourite little wizard. Harry Potter and all associated characters and books belong to J. K. Rowling, goddess of fantasy writing.  
  
Archive: Go ahead, just tell me!  
  
Summary: After everybody's favourite red-headed twins set out to play a prank, they get a whole lot more than they bargained for.  
  
Author Notes: A whole lotta disturbingly hilarious things suggested inside: you have been warned. Don't like it? KISS MY ASS! Be a good reader and review.  
  
Here we go........  
  
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"Fred, hurry up!" "This is gonna be brilliant. We'll be famous for this!" "Our names will go down as legends." "Nobody has ever put one over Snape before!" Fred and George were currently creeping down the icy halls of the dungeons, towards the Slytherin common-room and Snape's classroom. It happened to be midnight. Earlier that day, they had, by devious means, gotten ahold of the location and passwords for the aforementioned rooms. They had decided to dye them pink, and fill them with fluffy bunny rabbits! "George, you know we are..." "Truly genius..." "Fantastically funny..." "And not to mention Fred..."  
  
"Devilishly handsome!" They reached Snape's class and stood outside the gargoyle marking the entrance, password 'Grateful Dead,' when they heard a noise from within startled them. "Who would be up..."  
  
"At such an hour?" "George, dear brother, you don't think we've interrupted Snape doing...?" "Oh no! Fred, don't think such ewwiness! Fuck, gerroff my foot, you prat!" Then from inside the class came "Oh come on Severus, you can do it." "Minerve, just slow down. I'm trying my best." Twin looks of identical horror could be seen shining on pale, freckled faces in the dark corridor. They mouthed to each other, "Fuck! OhMiMerlin!" "Oh come on Sevvie, pick it up a little bit." "Well, you do it for me then, it's not as easy as it looks. I've been going at this for days." "Don't worry, I have actually got quite a bit of experience in doing it, I'll show you how it's done." "Oh good, because I haven't been able to do it properly myself Minerva, as much as I hate to admit failure." "Oh don't be ashamed, it happens to the best. Dumbledor has come to me before with this exact same problem. Merlin knows what he keeps putting down there!" At this point, the matching red-heads had begun to dry gag, thankful they hadn't visited the kitchens for a snack earlier. In all their years of historic marauding, creating mischief and mayhem, never had they been subject to such terror. From inside, "I have an idea, Minerva, I'll hit with this!" Thwack! Thwack! "That's it Sevvie, smack harder, harder!" Thwack! Thwack! Thwack! "Okay, go back to sucking it." A door was heard slamming inside. "Professors! I heard a noise." "Aahhh Draco, we could do with an extra set of hands!" "Yes! Just hold it right there, like that. Yeah, that's it!" Fred had become concerned for George, who wasn't breathing properly. Or at all. "Now Minnie, I'm gonna put it in." "Make sure it goes in the hole. That's it, all the way in, up to the end." "Professor Snape, it's a rather big one, isn't it?" "I made sure it was, it needed to be big too complete this job." George was currently having an epileptic fit. "The dream team never get these problems," Fred muttered while cursing under his breath. "Your doing this excellently Draco, do you have much experience with this?" "A little, my father taught me how to do it." "Aahhh yes, Lucius is an excellent teacher, I remember from my school days. 2000 points to Slytherin!" Tears of torment began to run down Fred's cheeks. Gryffindor had just lost the house cup. "In and out, in and out!" "Hang on, I've almost got it, almost there. Merlin, wait for it!" "Mr Malfoy, hols that there, hold it tighter. Severus, push harder, faster, faster, harder! Yes! That's it!" "I'm getting there, hang on! It's coming, it's coming!" Fred commenced CPR on George. "Don't you die on me George," he whispered fiercely, "I can't get through this on my own, without you. It'll be over soon." "That was, by far, one of the hardest jobs I've ever had a go at." The emotions became too much, and Fred dropped in a dead faint on George.  
  
Severus heard a loud thump outside his classroom. Storming over and opening the door, one might almost have seen shock on the cold, controlled Professor's face. "Professor McGonagall, have you any idea as to why the Weasley twins are unconscious outside my class?" "No Professor Snape, I don't. I shall take them to see Poppy at once." "They look really sick!" Stated Draco joyfully. "2000 points from Gryffindor for being out of bed at night, for annoying me and because I don't like them!" "Really Severus, is that absolutely necessary?" "Yes. Draco, you are dismissed. Off to bed." "Goodnight Professors," Draco drawled as he silently exited. "Minerva, thankyou for your assistance tonight. I've been wanting that for days." "My pleasure, anytime. Goodnight." She left with Fred and George floating behind her. Alone, Snape removed the plunger from the overgrown sink, to return to Filch. He was pleased to finally get that damn sink unblocked, after it was blocked again by yet another botched potion from that pathetic disgrace of a wizard, Longbottom.  
  
  
  
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